Back to Myself
by Hayley445
Summary: Starts on the journey back from Italy. Bella can't believe what she has let herself become. She does not want to be that way anymore. There are secrets from her past that even her father doesn't know and it turned her into the person she was back in Phoenix. Will the Cullens accept Bella for who she really is or will they treat her like an outsider just like Jasper. B/J pairing.
1. Prologue

On the journey back from Italy I can't help but think about everything that's happened since I moved to Forks. I tried to change myself into a good girl, a girl a father could be proud of and happy with. In doing that I ended up becoming a doormat, letting people walk all over me, letting Edward and Alice decide everything for me.

At the time I was happy, mainly because I didn't have to be the adult anymore. I didn't have to worry about paying the bills on time or making sure my mother got to work on time. I was able to be a teenager. I had a loving mother and a compassionate father in Carlisle and Esme, a bitchy older sister in Rosalie, a fun loving big brother in Emmet, a hyperactive sister in Alice and a loving boyfriend in Edward. It was everything I ever wanted, or so I thought. Until it was all taken away from me.

I couldn't really pinpoint where Jasper stood because he never felt like a brother to me. That was probably because we were never allowed around each other. He was always on the outskirts, watching and observing. He was never comfortable whenever I chanced a glance at him. I suppose it didn't help that he was an empath, feeling everything from everyone all the time must take it's toll on him. Especially seeing as the vampires he is surrounded by are always thirsty and to make things worse, I am a singer to one of them.

I saw what happened that night, Jasper was trying to protect me, not feed on me. He wasn't the danger that night, my so called boyfriend was. I can just imagine that Edward and the rest of his family have been blaming him for everything that happened. One thing is certain, I will be setting that record straight as soon as I see them again.

I still can't believe that I let myself become that weak, dependant little mouse, well no more. I won't be that girl again. I want to go back, back to the girl I was before I moved here. Back to the girl who didn't take shit from anyone. Back to the girl who didn't care what people thought about her.

I want to be me again.

I want to go back to myself.


	2. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone.**

 **I know it has been a while since I started this story so I apologize for the long wait. I've had quite a few problems with my daughter as she has been in and out of hospital over the last few months but it is mostly sorted now.**

 **Thank you for your patience.**

 **Please review, I love reading your comments. If there is anything that you think needs changing or you have any suggestions about this story then please let me know.**

 **Anyway on to the story! Here is the first chapter.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Hayley :)**

Lying on my bed with the window open waiting for Edward to come back, I can't help but think about what is going to happen when I tell him that I'm not going to take him back. How will he react? What will he say? What will he do? Will he disappear again? Will the family follow him? I may not like the way he treated me when we were together but that doesn't mean I didn't miss them. They were family to me, even Rosalie who hated me with a passion. I loved them with everything I had and Edward ripped it all away without a second thought.

When he first left, the words he said to me kept repeating over and over again in my head, _you're not good for me, you're a distraction, I don't want you._ They made me feel empty and worthless. I was like a zombie for months, I didn't eat or sleep very much and I functioned on autopilot just to convince my father that I was alright. I looked at myself in the mirror one day, I didn't recognise the person staring back at me. She was empty, lifeless nothing like the person I used to see. It helped me to snap out of my stupid zombie mode and I started to get angry. I was furious with Edward and the rest of them for abandoning me. I always understood the danger of being around them but I didn't care. I didn't see them as only vampires I saw them for the people they were and I liked the people they were. They always said I was family to them, so how could they leave without saying goodbye? How could they abandon me without a word? I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Edward enter my room.

"Hello Edward" My voice was cold, so cold that it even shocked me.

Edward flinched when he heard my voice "Hello my Bella" he said softly.

I glared at him when he said that, as far as I was concerned I was not his any longer.

"Can you take me to see the family please? I have some stuff I need to say and they need to hear it." My voice was like steel, I may have asked him but it sounded more like a demand.

"Of course, I will take you in the morning when you wake up."

"No Edward I want to go and see them now please" I looked him straight in the eye daring him to tell me no.

He sighed and gave me a curt nod and motioned for me to hop on his back. As soon as I was situated he leaped out of the window and ran straight to the Cullen house.

He set me down on the porch and opened the door. I walked through and saw all of the Cullen's, I didn't get chance to sit down because I was attacked by a tiny vampire.

"BELLA! I missed you" Alice said while squeezing the life out of me. I couldn't help the surge of anger that built up in me as she said this. I didn't want any of them touching me until I said what I needed to say.

I looked down at her, she must have seen something in my eyes because her smile faltered "Let go of me Alice" I sounded cold and detached.

"But Bella…" she whined and pouted her lips

"Now Alice…. And pouting won't get you anywhere" She looked at me wide eyed and slowly backed away from me.

I looked back up and my eyes connected with Carlisle and Esme. They flinched when they looked at me. I swept my eyes around the room and looked at the remaining Cullen's, Emmett flinched when I looked him in the eyes, Rosalie didn't look bothered as usual. I kept looking around until my eyes connected with Jasper's. I couldn't help the slight smile that appeared on my lips, I was happy to see him again. He looked shocked when he felt my emotions and sent me some confusion. He must think I blamed him for them leaving…What a stupid vampire.

"Well hello Cullen's, it's great to see you again! I wonder if you're going to stick around after I have said what I need to or are you going to disappear without a word again?" I said as I glared at them

They all winced when I said this, my voice cold and sarcastic. I didn't give them a chance to reply.

"Now before we go into all the reasons you abandoned me, I want to clear one thing up because I can guarantee you have been blaming the wrong person for what happened the night of my party." I said to them.

Carlisle was the first to speak "What do you mean Bella?"

"I mean you have been blaming the wrong person…. Tell me, who is it that you blame for that night?"

They all looked at each other when Esme decided to answer me "Well Jasper of course, he was the one that lunged."

I felt a blast of shame from Jasper as I stared at her and scoffed in disbelief "As I said, you were all blaming the wrong person."

I turned and walked over to Jasper and grabbed his hand. Before I had chance to say anything Edward decided to open his mouth.

"Bella!" he bellowed "Get away from him. He is dangerous."

I turned my head and looked at him "Shut up Edward. I'm in more danger with you than I am with him, so keep your fucking mouth shut." He looked at me in shock and disbelief while Rosalie looked at me with something akin to pride. I sent her a small smile and refocused my attention to Jasper.

"I know what happened that night Jasper. You didn't lunge at me. You were protecting me. Your eyes and Carlisle's were still golden when I was bleeding, everyone else's were black. You're an empath Jasper which means that you felt all that bloodlust, and don't forget I'm Edwards singer so his was going to be a hundred times worse. You were lunging at Edward not me." I turned to face the rest of the family who were looking at the floor in shame then I focused on Edward "Isn't that right Edward?"

The family all looked up at the same time when all I was given in response to my question was silence.

"What's the matter Edward? Cat got your tongue? Or is it just because you don't like being called out on your lies?" I asked with a sickly sweet smile.

Edward glared at me "You have no idea what you are talking about Bella."

I snorted a laugh "Of course you would think that. I know a lot more about vampires than you think Edward. You were not protecting me that night as a mate would. You were acting as if you were defending your kill. The only reason you didn't actually bite and drain me is because Jasper distracted you when he lunged."

Edward growled and glowered at me.

I laughed and turned to the rest of the family. "You see what I mean now when I said you blamed the wrong person. Jasper didn't do a damned thing except try to protect me from the biggest danger in the room which at that particular time was Edward. Now I suggest you think long and hard about the apology you all owe Jasper and take a good long look at the 'Golden Boy' and actually see him…All of him. He is not the person you think he is and it's about time you all realized that."

I swung around to face Jasper once again "I need to talk to you, is there somewhere we could go and talk in private?" As soon as those words left my mouth Edward decided to make himself known again.

"You're not going anywhere with him, I forbid it!" He growled out.

I could feel my anger rising up as I looked at him. "Oh really?! Who the hell do you think you are Edward? You are not my father or my boss, you have no say in who I talk to or who I spend my time with."

"You are my girlfriend and mate, you will do as you're told."

I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up and spilled out of my mouth. I was laughing so hard that I could hardly breath.

" Oh man that's the funniest thing I've heard in a while. You left me remember?! I'm not your girlfriend and I know for certain that you're not my mate. If you were then you would not be able to leave me and you would have turned me when I asked, so I think it's safe to say that I'm not your anything."

Edward went to say something but I didn't let him, I just carried on saying what needed to be said. "You never loved me Edward. You just loved the control you managed to exert over me. Do this Bella, do that Bella, don't wear that Bella, don't do that Bella it's not ladylike….. Well guess what Edward I'm not a lady! I'm not something that you can control. I'm not that little quiet girl you thought I was, all of that was an act. I've never been that girl, I only did that because I thought my father deserved a good well behaved daughter. I turned myself into a person I despised, all because I was trying to please everyone around me. I can guarantee that I will never be doing that again and we will never be together either."

Edward just stared at me as if he couldn't believe what I had said. I looked back at the family.

"Now you all have a choice, you can either stay and get to know the real me and accept me for who I am or you can leave. It has to be your own decision do not let anyone sway you one way or the other. I will come back and talk to you in a little while and tell you what happened after you all left. But first I need to speak to Jasper in private without anyone trying to listen in." I faced Jasper "So is there anywhere we can go?"

"Yes Bella, we can go to my study. It's soundproofed."

I nodded as Jasper took my hand and lead me up the stairs to his study.


End file.
